Sometimes when I read your comments on my diary, I feel like it doesn’t belong to me… and you know what, for once my feelings are right: it doesn’t belong to me. Because even though the words come from me, from my mind and heart, I can’t pretend they are 100% me and represent totally who I am. As I still fail my own heart at times and I reject the family I claim loudly to be proud of and love.
Archive for June, 2012
Can you tell when something is so important that you want to make sure you don’t let any part of it slip through your fingers? Can you allow yourself to be free enough to completely embrace a moment without being either shy, anxious, self-conscious, stressed, overcompensating, thinking ahead or back instead of appreciating every little detail of what surrounds you and also what’s happening inside you at that very moment?
I remember how, as a teenager, I simultaneously tried to move away from what defined me in my environment in order to forge my own identity and, at the same time, desperately strived to be included, to fit in, to belong. Discovering who we are is a long journey with many ruptures and junctions, dead ends and crossroads, not only within our own self, our own perceptions of the world and how we evolve but also how we walk with others around us, letting them BE and letting them (or not ) touch us, change us, challenge us, question us, build us… I believe that quest for identity is an unfinished business as long as we allow ourselves the right and the privilege, to change our mind,to make mistakes, to aspire for a better life and the chance to live something fresh, true and unexpected every day.
As I try to organize the ideas in my mind, struggle to find the ONE emotion, the MOST significant event, the MAIN direction of what we lived during the Bla Bla Bla I just can’t make up my mind… I come to the conclusion that this time the words “ONE” “MOST” and “MAIN” aren’t what I should look for… what’s really IMPORTANT is everything, every single little thing we lived from the intense soulful live music performance to the ecstatic draw of Jeff’s guitar, passing by all the little glimpses of life, of fun and of pure nonsense.