Sometimes when I read your comments on my diary, I feel like it doesn’t belong to me… and you know what, for once my feelings are right: it doesn’t belong to me. Because even though the words come from me, from my mind and heart, I can’t pretend they are 100% me and represent totally who I am. As I still fail my own heart at times and I reject the family I claim loudly to be proud of and love.
The truth stays the same though, even when I’m going the wrong way and betraying my own words about the true love I saw shine just long enough to live and describe. My biggest privilege is to have all of you shining the truth right back at me when I’m in the dark. I do feel ashamed to reflect dirt as your light comes my way, but that shame is the result of pride and leads only to evasion. So what are my choices? In my hands I have the power to push you all away and cherish a blind yet in my mind, perfect scrap yard, building a lonely castle out of junk… OR… I decide to clothe myself with the real courage and admit I need help, I need love to transform me and accept that my life takes its whole meaning when I am with you.
Here are the words that shone from your hearts on all of us after the last blog:
”When we are surrounded by this love, we feel stronger to face obstacles but also to enjoy life fully! ” -Julie
Aren’t we lucky that even when our own love is weak, we have the blessing of the love others around you are growing, feeding and fighting for?! One thing I know is I want to be more than a consumer of love, I want to also surround and support others with the love I received.
”It’s a privilege for me that I was a part of the family in the dark times and today be the witness of this light coming out of each of your projects and the life that emerges and spreads all over.” -Sandra
I think it’s in the dark times that I learned the most about love… and I got closer to people who were open enough and patient enough to go over my protective barriers and their own.
”You’re describing a very beautiful family! It’s very inspiring to see how you’re taking every occasion to celebrate and honour the choices of everyone. Choices to become, to open the way although no one has been showing you how to do it” -Mary
In fact Mary, many people showed me over and over again how to be myself and open up to reach out. Each day I have it in front of my eyes. Do I chose to consciously learn from what I see? I would say I need to do it more!
”I’m a shy person I know, but this is not something negative of myself. I can allow myself to be free enough to completely embrace a moment even though I am shy.” -Britt
I admire how you can see yourself the way you are and also determine that nothing you see is going to keep you away from what you want to live. I have to learn from you!
”Why do we feel the need to apologize for being ”cheezy” when we talk about love? There’s nothing more powerful in life than love… ” -Chris
I guess the apology comes out when we don’t fully take the responsibility of what we say, trying to dilute the whole thing to make sure we don’t face rejection or confrontation… Love can’t be diluted otherwise it’s not called love anymore. You’re so right!
”Hopefully, because of the people around me…I can (be free)!! Sometimes, I get stuck and trapped into details, which seem so important to me…But the minute I look around and see others dealing with those same “things” with so much simplicity…adding joy and laughter to it…it gives me the courage and power to believe that I can do it too!!! ” -Marjo
You have access to that power and courage because you have an open heart and mind to look around and let others rub their life against yours, sometimes with sparkles, sometimes with cuddles!
”I need to not “rewind the tape” of hurtful memories, though the ones that serve to remind us of where we are now. ” -Heather
Memories are good to see the path that led us here, you’re right! But the tapes to destroy are made of the bitterness we grew, the illusions we fed and the fear we accepted as companions on the road. Where is the FIRE… to erase the memory tape!?! 😉
”Love is a force that cannot be controlled, and once you decide in your heart to embrace it, it begins to carry you along in a current that may not take you exactly where you expected. You will most likely find yourself opening your heart to people you have never been drawn to before, feeling a stirring within for those who have hurt you in the past (even parents perhaps) and perhaps longing to rebuild bridges between hearts that you have burned in pride and righteous anger birthed from wounds” -Elizabeth
I think this is one of the reasons why love is a difficult choice: losing the illusion of control. No one wants to lose or desires to be forgotten, so those of us who have trouble trusting, we run after control. Trust allows us to embrace love and enjoy the healing, the rebirth of all our promises.