I saw it shine just long enough…
Sometimes when I read your comments on my diary, I feel like it doesn’t belong to me… and you know what, for once my feelings are right: it doesn’t belong to me. Because even though the words come from me, from my mind and heart, I can’t pretend they are 100% me and represent totally who I am. As I still fail my own heart at times and I reject the family I claim loudly to be proud of and love.
The truth stays the same though, even when I’m going the wrong way and betraying my own words about the true love I saw shine just long enough to live and describe. My biggest privilege is to have all of you shining the truth right back at me when I’m in the dark. I do feel ashamed to reflect dirt as your light comes my way, but that shame is the result of pride and leads only to evasion. So what are my choices? In my hands I have the power to push you all away and cherish a blind yet in my mind, perfect scrap yard, building a lonely castle out of junk… OR… I decide to clothe myself with the real courage and admit I need help, I need love to transform me and accept that my life takes its whole meaning when I am with you.
Here are the words that shone from your hearts on all of us after the last blog:
”When we are surrounded by this love, we feel stronger to face obstacles but also to enjoy life fully! ” -Julie
Aren’t we lucky that even when our own love is weak, we have the blessing of the love others around you are growing, feeding and fighting for?! One thing I know is I want to be more than a consumer of love, I want to also surround and support others with the love I received.
”It’s a privilege for me that I was a part of the family in the dark times and today be the witness of this light coming out of each of your projects and the life that emerges and spreads all over.” -Sandra
I think it’s in the dark times that I learned the most about love… and I got closer to people who were open enough and patient enough to go over my protective barriers and their own.
”You’re describing a very beautiful family! It’s very inspiring to see how you’re taking every occasion to celebrate and honour the choices of everyone. Choices to become, to open the way although no one has been showing you how to do it” -Mary
In fact Mary, many people showed me over and over again how to be myself and open up to reach out. Each day I have it in front of my eyes. Do I chose to consciously learn from what I see? I would say I need to do it more!
”I’m a shy person I know, but this is not something negative of myself. I can allow myself to be free enough to completely embrace a moment even though I am shy.” -Britt
I admire how you can see yourself the way you are and also determine that nothing you see is going to keep you away from what you want to live. I have to learn from you!
”Why do we feel the need to apologize for being ”cheezy” when we talk about love? There’s nothing more powerful in life than love… ” -Chris
I guess the apology comes out when we don’t fully take the responsibility of what we say, trying to dilute the whole thing to make sure we don’t face rejection or confrontation… Love can’t be diluted otherwise it’s not called love anymore. You’re so right!
”Hopefully, because of the people around me…I can (be free)!! Sometimes, I get stuck and trapped into details, which seem so important to me…But the minute I look around and see others dealing with those same “things” with so much simplicity…adding joy and laughter to it…it gives me the courage and power to believe that I can do it too!!! ” -Marjo
You have access to that power and courage because you have an open heart and mind to look around and let others rub their life against yours, sometimes with sparkles, sometimes with cuddles!
”I need to not “rewind the tape” of hurtful memories, though the ones that serve to remind us of where we are now. ” -Heather
Memories are good to see the path that led us here, you’re right! But the tapes to destroy are made of the bitterness we grew, the illusions we fed and the fear we accepted as companions on the road. Where is the FIRE… to erase the memory tape!?! 😉
”Love is a force that cannot be controlled, and once you decide in your heart to embrace it, it begins to carry you along in a current that may not take you exactly where you expected. You will most likely find yourself opening your heart to people you have never been drawn to before, feeling a stirring within for those who have hurt you in the past (even parents perhaps) and perhaps longing to rebuild bridges between hearts that you have burned in pride and righteous anger birthed from wounds” -Elizabeth
I think this is one of the reasons why love is a difficult choice: losing the illusion of control. No one wants to lose or desires to be forgotten, so those of us who have trouble trusting, we run after control. Trust allows us to embrace love and enjoy the healing, the rebirth of all our promises.
-Miss Isabel
Comments (3)
Elizabeth
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Hi dearest Isa and YFE family!!
I need to quote the part of your letter to us all that struck me most deeply this time (and there is always something that does – as you say, sometimes you don’t feel that this diary belongs to you, Isa – i believe the reason for that is that you are allowing Something beyond yourself to speak through you in ways that nothing, not yourself or anyone else, can control – what a blessing to us all that you do this..) This is the quote:
“The truth stays the same though, even when I’m going the wrong way and betraying my own words about the true love I saw shine just long enough to live and describe. My biggest privilege is to have all of you shining the truth right back at me when I’m in the dark. I do feel ashamed to reflect dirt as your light comes my way, but that shame is the result of pride and leads only to evasion. So what are my choices? In my hands I have the power to push you all away and cherish a blind yet in my mind, perfect scrap yard, building a lonely castle out of junk… OR… I decide to clothe myself with the real courage and admit I need help, I need love to transform me and accept that my life takes its whole meaning when I am with you.”
I really believe that the choice to love is the fulfillment of our destiny as human beings. I read a powerful book while I was traveling to Disney and back called “Unsaid”. In a very creative way, the book explored the relationships of people with each other and animals – and the Love that calls us and weaves us all together – transforming and healing and redeeming us as we learn to love and receive love against all odds and through seemingly endless obstacles. There really is mercy and grace – there really is Something so much more than we can see and perceive with our natural eyes – and there really is hope that even though we may have little or no understanding of the paradoxes that define our lives, the more we embrace them, the more Light can fill the moments of our lives here and past the door of death into the wondrous mystery that waits beyond it.
Choosing to embrace even (or especially) the “unlovable” in ourselves and others is never easy, but in the reality of Love, there is really nothing in that category (unlovable). I’m learning that more and more and I still have a long way to go, but the journey I have been traveling with all of you for the past 5 1/2 years has taught me more of it than I learned in my 50 years before our paths crossed. Thank you again..for the grace you’ve given me and the grace you’ve allowed me to give you..
prayers, love and blessings always!! mom eliz
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Heather
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Hey Sweet Sis!
I think that I can find the FIRE, to erase that tape. 🙂 I think it is like it says in the Bible, that we have a tendency to let the flesh control, though we want to give that control to God, it is human nature, to not let go of “the wheel,” so to speak to let him guide us. I haven’t forgotten everyone, not a chance, I keep all in my thoughts and prayers, continually. I love Alex so very much, Miss Isabel,xoxoxox, and I pray for him each day, I can’t fake the tears, and feelings that are deep inside me, and I send love to all my family.
I will write everyone, and blogs, again…..I promise! I will not give up, or quit on the dream in my heart….it is what keeps me going, and I do surround myself with my resources to keep me focused on the good things that the Lord is doing. I just don’t want to be taken for granted, and sure no one wants to either. I want to restore, all that has been damaged and to keep pressing forward into the dream. It is each day, that it is a step closer, and He is working behind the scenes on our behalf.
love from your sister,
Heather
Reply
Danielle
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I haven’t even comment your blog yet til now!!! 😉
Miss Isabel I LOVE YOU MY SIS!!!
you say it doesn’t belong to you which the blog is but the comments are made half for you!!! 🙂 You shouldn’t betray your own words, We all shouldn’t but WE ALL CHOOSE TOO!!!
my answer you should decide to clothe yourself with the real courage and admit that you need help, and that you need love to transform yourself and accept that your life takes its whole meaning when me and everyone are with you, We Love you, We Love our Sis!!!
I LOVE YOU!!!
I LOVE YOU!!!
I LOVE MY SIS!!! (((YOU BETTER ACCEPT IT))) 😉
i saw peoples comments on your last blog, it’s amazing that you wanted to share it and reading it again, some are sad but inspiring and some are happy but inspiring!!!!
There all amazing! 🙂
it makes me sad when your falling behind, It makes me want to fail!!!
I want you too help me while i’m helping you *through via internet* right now but one day in person!!! Fail or not Failing!!! 😉
i will always love you and even with your dark side, sad, happy days!!
YOU ARE LOVED!!
I LOVE YOU!!!!
xxxxYour Sis, Danielle.
P.S if i am wrong about anything of what i said and if it offended i’m sorry, i don’t understand much!!!!
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